If you fall in love with someone, and that someone loves you back...

Don't ever forget how fucking lucky you are.

I feel creativity coming back to me, and this makes me very happy. So, I splurged (a little) and got myself something I've been wanting for a long, long time - a pen tablet.

And just to see how it worked, I scratched and scribbled a picture. The control is very very good, considering I didn't get a professional one. And here is the picture, for good measure:





I have some pretty cool ideas for a website with my drawings, but I'll keep it to myself for now until it's further along.

So tonight, for the first time in two years, I heard thunder. I heard thunder and I laughed and tears came to my eyes and I thought of home, home, home.

It's what I miss the most. The summer thunderstorms, rolling in off the lake. Standing outside, barefoot, as the dark clouds move visibly closer and the whole atmosphere changes, changes perceptibly and powerfully in a way that is absolutely impossible to describe in words. My entire life, I've always been drawn to it - the wind before a thunderstorm, cool and ominous. Perhaps because everything changes so quickly we are aware of it and yet have no words for it, but something makes it seem almost spiritual and revitalizing.

I remember standing on the back porch I helped my father build, standing there and closing my eyes and feeling connected to something bigger than myself. I remember standing there are long as I could, a few seconds longer than my mother ever wanted to let me, a few seconds before the lightning started hitting close to the house. Once the rain came, the moment was gone. But right before, right before...

So tonight, I heard thunder and I realized how much has changed. There isn't much left of who I used to be, and that's okay. A lot of that has been on purpose. But I've been floating and losing, piece by piece, things that have woven my life together. But tonight, I heard thunder and I felt a cool wind and I felt a comfortable, familiar feeling. I felt connected to myself again, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm kind of lost right now, in between apartments, in between school and what I want to do with my life, in between heartbreaks. I needed this reminder of where I came from to help me realize I'm still on a path with somewhere to go.

And I'm happy.

Oh my.

I don't think the world was ready for this.

Or maybe it was just me who wasn't ready.

( And this is what I did with my Saturday night. )

It's been awhile since I've done charcoal, kk? Plus my scanner didn't do such a good job picking up the shading... /excuse excuse excuse.

Because it's way more fun, I think, than it should be.

Alright, no more delays! On with it!

1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket (www.photobucket.com)
3) Take any picture from the first page of results and post. (click on the picture and copy the HTML code)

( click me click me click me click me click me click me )

Yeah so... normal people would have posted about this pretty much right away, I know. But, you know, I've been busy trying not to get bit in the face.

FAIL.

(ouch)

But you can't be mad at this face, can you?



O hai!

Yep, my very own Beagle pup.

Proud mama will do photo montage now, kk?

( OMG puppy! (ehm, click for more adorableness, unless of course you have a black pirate heart incapable of affection and joy) )

Okay, guys. I have something that's kind of important to tell you all.

I know it might seem a little soon, but... I really just can't hide my feelings anymore. I try, and I try but... it's happened, and I can't deny it.

I've fallen in love...





...with this man:





I don't know if it's his 8-yr-old boy haircut, or the fact that he imagines a whole choir of 8-year-old boys when he's about to make love, but... he is gonna be my baby daddy. I can you make you that promise right now.

Eli Stone, where ever you are on this lonely February night, just know this - I am thinking about you. Your impeccible legal skills, your ever-so-clever witticisms, the fact that you may, indeed, be a religious prophet (saving those we-pretty-much-look-and-sound-like-white-people-and-we're-attractive-so-it's-okay-to-make-emotional-pleas-for-us illegal Mexicans makes me hot)... inject some of that religion into me, baby. You can invite George Michael if you'd like... we'll make an Eli sandwich.

... I'll do a silly thing instead. Thanks to Kate (oh, also thanks to Kate for this infernal, damning, burning cough. Ahem.)

1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket (www.photobucket.com)
3) Take any picture from the first page of results and post. (click on the picture and copy the HTML code) Don't explain, it's funnier that way!

( Continue on to the madness! Ok not so much, but it's still fun. Shush. )

We rescued this sweet little thing from a West L.A. shelter back in April. She was abused and neglected by her previous family - there were children in the house who didn't know how to hold her, so they hurt her and dropped her and eventually ended up ignoring her.

At first, she would barely let me touch her; she would kick and kick and scratch and kick and claw me to death every time I tried to pick her up. I had to hold on to her and make sure not to drop her no matter what so she'd learn that she was safe. I have quite a nasty scar on my wrist because of this, but also because of this she is finally comfortable around people!



And comfortable on top of my things, apparently!


Right before I snapped this shot of her, she had sent "````````````````````````````DF5RFFF1```````````````````````````````````1;LK;`;LK1`111`JNB" to one of my friends on MSN and somehow managed to turn the brightness on my screen down all the way to black.

Ahhh, I love her!

When I leave my apartment in the morning, I never know until I get to the elevator what kind of day it's going to be. Though open to the outside, my partially-enclosed hallways don't allow in sunshine so much. So I walk the 18 steps to the elevator and then cast my eyes upward, above the pool and into the sky.

This morning it was solid blue, not a cloud present. The warm air was diffused by gentle wisps of cool wind that rustled the plants on my neighbor's balcony up on the third floor.

It was going to be a good day!

And what better to top off a good day, than a good night. Kate and I shared grilled cheese and watched Harrison Ford kick Nazi ass as we basked in our fabulous singleness together.


What lucky men will have us barefoot in their kitchens someday? Only time shall tell!

Only slight negative of the evening: When Kate told me a particularly shocking and amusing story, my jaw literally dropped so much so that the temporomandibular joints on either side of my face cracked and now they make soft popping noises that echo inside my head when I chew.

From my favorite local chinese restaurant, right down the street here on Lankershim. We used to walk there on Sunday afternoons, when choosing between beef chow mein and the house special fried rice was the biggest decision I'd have to make all day.

It's not sad, though. I know that if he were here right now, and saw this, he'd laugh a little right along with me. And that makes me smile.

We both have a dark sense of humor, what can I say?

So for the first time in my life, I'm alone.

Things I've noticed:

1) I get way, way, way more done. As in, things I need to get done. Like doing the dishes. And cleaning the bunny cage. And scrubbing the motherf@#$ing shower. When was the last time I ever did that? Wait, have I ever done that?

2) I like taking showers in the morning now instead of at night, because I don't have to worry about making noise. Also, I can turn on lights. And music! O, the luxury! Listening to my favorite Tchaikovsky while I get dressed calms my mind and gets me ready for the day, much the way I expect yoga would if I weren't so lazy.

3) I like sleeping with my head in the middle of the bed, but my legs still on my side. Funny, I still say "my" side. The whole bed is mine now. I wonder when it will start feeling like that.

4) My creativity is returning to me, in all forms. It's overwhelming, and I feel my desires scattered among multiple outlets. Drawing, web design, guitar, piano, comics, photography. Writing. If I make any resolution this year, it will be to stick to something enough to get really good at it. I want to channel my creativity - I'm tired of being pretty good at lots of things. I want to find one thing and be great at it.

5) I still miss him, every day.

Here's something: Even though it's only been a couple of weeks, I've already learned one thing. Being alone doesn't mean being unloved. My life is full of amazing friends, a wonderful city in which to be single, bunnies, music, and love.

Ugh. Sappy. I don't want this journal to be like that.

Uhhh...

Here's something else, another resolution perhaps? No, a promise. If Mike Huckabee becomes president...

I'm moving to Europe.

And I'm not looking back.

B$#%@es!